this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
