get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
