Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
