the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
