i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
