Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
