threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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