Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
