Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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