What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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