threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
