Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
PANTIES FOUND
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
