some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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