Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
