Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
