When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
