New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
