her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
