Heybabeimwearingurpanties
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
