I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
