He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
