Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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