hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
