there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Maybe he injected his testicle?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
