maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
