either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
