the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize