Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize