And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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