She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
