she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
