I accidentally had phone sex last night
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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