Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
