idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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