I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
