Farmville is her only friend.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
