Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
