my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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