I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
