my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
