I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
