please come you make the beer taste better
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
