you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
