What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
