At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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