Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
