You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
