I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize