OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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