In the future we'll all be gay
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
