my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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