Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
