So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
