I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize