I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
