ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
