For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you never un-have a 4some
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
