You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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