woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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