You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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