doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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