He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
