she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
