i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
