He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
