ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
soo... how was my night?
I have post one night stand depression
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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