I feel like abortions should bother me more
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
