oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
