so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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