oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
