What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this will be a night to untag.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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